Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
