did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
