Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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