when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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