I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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