Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
