Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
