how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
