my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
