Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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