Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just cut my nipple shaving
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
