You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
