You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
