I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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