My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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