My friends, they love my intelligence
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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