but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
