what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
