Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
