so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
