Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize