chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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