So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
