So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
