people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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