Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
