I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
