I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize