i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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