I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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