you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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