were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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