so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
