Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
