i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
