You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
