At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
It was confusing and full of hummus
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
