I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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