And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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