last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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