I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
