Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
