I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
