the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
