So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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