So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
