for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
So squirting runs in the family.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
