You just made me feel so damn special
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Randomize
