he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
