There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Houston, we have a blender
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
