Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
