ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
