I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
