He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
