Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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