Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
