On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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