I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
