i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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