I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
