i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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