now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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