I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
