I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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