I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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