Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
