who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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