can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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