Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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