Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
