so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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