So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
