Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
