Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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