It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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