Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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