Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
