At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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