Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I need a burrito and a hug.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
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