youre lurking in front of me
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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