If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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