Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
