Whod you bang
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
