would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
