I puked a lego.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
