My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
