y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize