Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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