i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
