Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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