this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
