Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
