Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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