I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
