I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
