She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
