the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
