I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
