the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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