Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
