my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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