??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
