i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize