I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
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