I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
my liver is dry heaving
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
