youre lurking in front of me
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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