I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize