but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
