I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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