Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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