i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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