i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
