I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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