she sounds like chewbacca in bed
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
