got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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